Category: Parent Talk
know some things mentioned in this topic is already in another one, but I thought I'd broaden the scope and add more intellectual umph! haha! anyway.
So lets start off with the ethics question of the day! is it right to burden your children's ears with myths such as booggy-man, tooth fairy, sain't nick also known as santa-clause and his famous presents, easter bunnies, and other such stuff and other myths too or is this unjust. talk about experiences and justify them or explain how they may be unjust, unfair and such. Is faking your kids right? and will that hinder them? so on and so forth. Will telling your kids about the real meaning of gift giving and Christmas going to educate them more and allow them to learn more and maybe learn more about the spirit of giving?
now to the interesting stuff. another widely debated topic as well:
should we use profanity in front of children? is that corrupting the young why or why not. are we by using pure language not doing them justice, when they have to hear it later? why is using profanity fine and moral, or immoral?
and then there are issues like sex, drugs, war, politics, and stuff like that. by not educating children on these topics are we depriving them unnecessarily of the truth? or are we right in not discussing it with them? wouldn't it be better to educate your children about these evils as soon as possible?
so on and so forth as long as it falls under fantasy and sheltering with children.
Well, as far as the question as to whether or not we should tell kids about things such as Santa Claus and the tooth fairy, the way I see that is, even if they never hear about those things in my house, which is actually far-fetched unless I don't own a TV, they're going to hear about them in school, and ask me about them. I've never heard of a child being traumatized when they learned that Santa or the Easter bunny weren't real. It's all a part of play, and developing the imagination. Furthermore, how is telling children about religion any different? You're encouraging them to believe in a fantasy that they may or may not believe in later.
Don't lie to your kids. Make believe is one thng, but don't lie to your kids. Period. Don't tell them some guy got nailed to a tree to save them. Don't drag them to church or anything like that. Do inspire there imagination. Do read to them. Do encourage them to find the wonder in the imagination. Don't let the imagination be confused with reality.
I think it's important to stimulate the imagination of children. Without imagination, only the here and now exist. Topics such as the easter bunny, tooth fairy and Santa Clause; I see no harm in them. They spark hope and imagination, and belief in things unseen. Though children will eventually discover this fallacy, it will, I believe leave them open to exploring possibilities beyond what are right in front of their face. Not all that exists in our world, or beyond can currently be fathomed by science and logic. Imagination and open-mindedness are very important.
And I find no difference in religion. I do not believe I am lying to my children, nor brainwashing them to only think one way. I whole-heartedly plan to raise my children with the LDS church as a backdrop. Because I believe it to be a benevolent means of teaching the morality I myself believe. And because I do, in fact believe in it, and would like my children to also. But I plan to teach them to respect other faiths, and those who believe religion to be a "lie". The funny thing about kids is they're curious little creatures. And there will come a time where they will form their own oppinions, and ask their questions, not only about my religion, but about sex, politics, the origins of blue skies. Teach children with an open mind, and they will become open-minded themselves. Fill their head with extremist beliefs, or to hate, and to judge, and they will likely grow up in that manner as well. We have a heavy responsibility as parents to pass on what we know, think and feel to the coming generation. And I personally believe we will be held accountable for the way in which we raise our children. Because they depend on us to shape them to a point, especially while still young. Genetics certainly play a part, but so to does the environment in which they're raised.
Are you going to take them to other churches? Cuz trust me, if you do't, they're not going to know abouut them. You can teach them to respect them, though you don't do it yourself so I find that hard to believe. However, that is not the oposite of brainwashing. You're still indoctrinating your children in the morman faith, which is one of the worst faiths to be indoctrinated in because it is so eaily proven faulse that it isn't even worth my time to do it again. Religion is a lie, plain and simple.
Actually, Lightning, I do respect others' beliefs. A lot more than you do, I'd venture. You seem to see lies in all religion, and it's pretty clear how you feel about those who follow any but the path of absolute logic. Am I wrong? I will, however answer your question.
It is unlikely I will take my children to other churches, simply because it's not often I have occasion to frequent other places of worship. But that doesn't mean I refuse to set foot in another church. If Someone asked me to come check out their church, I'd do it. Furthermore, , if my child ever wished to go to another church, or a Sinagogue, or a Mosque, or a Sik temple with a friend, or even for fun, I'll never tell them not to. After all, I didn't just stumble upon the LDS faith and cling to it blindly. I searched for a long time to find what I believe to be the truth about who, and what God is. I did the very thing you urge people to do. I thought for myself, and decided for myself based on research, and personal experience. Yes, I even read many of the anti LDS literature that casts a shadow on my faith. If my children choose to see truth in another religion, or even none at all, I will accept that. I expect to be accepted for my way of life. How should I act therefore, if not the same way I would prefer to be acted upon? Now if my child wanted to join a gang, or an honest and true cult which I had good reason to be fearful they'd get into real trouble, that's another matter. But that's not what we're discussing. I'm not one of those people who feels anyone not of my faith is going to burn in hell. In fact, I don't imagine anyone who truly took the teachings of the LDS church seriously would feel that way. Nor do I believe everyone who worships God is brainwashed into doing so. Sure some extremist religions may be made up of such, but the MAJORITY OF PEOPLE i KNOW WHO ARE RELIGIOUS ARE ANYTHING BUT THOUGHTLESS. We believe in many things, and we hope for many things which can not always be seen by the eye, or heard by the ear. Yet we analyze, reason and draw our own conclusions just like anyone else. Are there extremists among us who will go to great lengths to taint their children and condemn the world at large? Of course. But every culture, beleif, government and ideal has its extremists. And I will teach my children all of this. Because to do otherwise would make me into the very kind of judgemental biggotous hipacrit I lothe.
I personally think parents who do ruin the things like santa clause and the easter bunny and the tooth ferry are doing more harm to the child than good. I used to talk to someone who basically said if she had a kid she would tell the kid flat out that santa clause was fake, and the easter bunny was fake. She would tell her children that all that was not real. My response to these types of people is this. First of all, especially around christmas time, do you know at first how confused you're going to make a child because everytime they hear a christmas song or something like that how many songs incorporate the joy of seeing santa, or getting toys from santa? Do you know how cynical you may make them in life later? Now before people say something about this, obviously not everyone celebrates christmas, and I understand, but this is obviously strictly for people who do. Secondly, If you told your kid there was no such thing as santa clause or the easter bunny, and they went to their school, and started telling all the other kids that there was no such thing as santa or the easter bunny, think of not only the amount of little children's hearts you'd break because your child was told something that was differing from the norm, and think of the amount of parents that would be pissed off at you too because your kid told them the real truth about santa clause before the parents could tell their kids.
Just my thoughts.
I've thought of that, Jess, and children have every right to know the truth. I'm not responsible for anyone but myself and my children, period. if others think that's wrong, fine. I think people who only tell their kids what they beleive, only take their kids to their church, and continuously make excuses for why they don't wanna expose their kids to as many viewpoints as possible, are exercising poor parenting. kids model what they see you do, and will easily learn to trust the honest parent, over the one who lets their imagination run wild with things the parent knows aren't true.
chelsea, your child would know the truth though, there's no reason in my oppinion for a kid to not believe in something like santa claus or something like that when they're smaller. it's one of the joys of christmas for a child, if that makes sense. Obviously when they get older they'll either realize on their own or through you that hey, santa isn't real, but I just feel like if the child didn't have christmas gifts to look forward to from santa, or their tooth being taken by the tooth ferry and getting money for it, they would lose some of the magic in being a kid. Children now-a-days sometimes grow up way too fast and don't get to enjoy their childhood. This kind of growing up isn't always good for them psychologically.
But would it matter who or where the gifts came from to the child? They would still be getting gifts, and the child would still enjoy them if they knew the presents came from the parent I'm sure.
As far as talking to the kid about sex, drugs, politics, etc., that is a parent's duty, to teach the child and inform him/her of all they know about the good and bad parts of the world. Profanity is something the kid will also run in to one way or another, and I'm sure most parents would rather take the time to let the child know about it once they start attending school, and telling them what is and isn't appropriate to say in certain settings. However again, the child will still be the one to choose, though the example set by the parent could be what makes the difference.
Our daughter was on to the Santa business from early on, but even enjoyed the gifts just the same.
I came up with a ridiculous story also that presents had to be ripe before you could pick them off the tree. And that was only Christmas morning. If you opened one early, it would probably be halfway put together, squishy, or some other thing that Christmas morning would have given it time to fix. Then you "pick" them and open them.
Of course now she says she was on to that story too from the beginning, but she had fun with it nonetheless.
no, Jess, your viewpoint doesn't make sense to me. children wouldn't enjoy presents any less, in knowing from a young age that they come from parents, nor would that mess with them psychologically. what would, though, is learning they were lied to by someone they should be able to trust.
although I was raised to celebrate Christmas, I won't continue doing so with my kids. there are other ways to let them be happy kids, and presenting Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, ETC, as reality, isn't one of them.
If you watch my post you know that I was brought up extremely different or liberally.
Saying that. I loved my Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and if they could have added the Truth, or reality lady, I’d have loved it too.
It simply is exciting, and wonderful to feel the warm feeling of Christmas, family, Santa coming shortly.
It is wonderful when you lose a tooth to wake up and find 50 cents under your pillow.
All these things were expressions of love and soon age makes you understand this.
I personally don’t know of any child that has been mentally harmed by these fun things, and if they were actually fun, and not pressed on a child like religion sometimes is, or with fear, added in the mix the child learns that these are pretend.
Like playing with your toys. You don’t grow up talking to your Teddy Bears, after you get a certain age right? Should you be told that your Teddy Bear doesn’t actually listen to you, because that is reality?
The world is a cold, cold place, and soon, if you are not sheltered, you’ll learn that too. Kids don’t need the world shoved down their throats to grow up happy, intelligent, and well balanced. They need some of that silly, because later they’ll have to deal with the truth.
I absolutely hated to lose my Santa. I kept my Santa for years after I had worked on houses with my dad and understood how chimney’s worked. There was no way in hell a fat man, in a red suit, with a white beard, was sliding down that baby.
Now profanity? We use it to express ourselves, just like I just did. If you grow up speaking profanity, you never know it is offensive unless you are told so, it is just language.
Kids are not stupid, so if you use some profanity do so. I personally don’t use it often or for shock value, but that was learned not decided because I was kept from hearing it. One day a kid is going to hear it.
We use to listen to some of the filthiest mouthed comedians as a family all the time. We’d all have a good laugh, and after the record was over go back to speaking the kings English. Lol.
the post before the last one reminded me of how Jehovah's witnesses aren't even allowed to celebrate their birthdays, much less any holiday. I don't care what some people think, that kind of cutting off from what other children are doing would be stressful, if not painful. This is changing a bit from what I understand, but when I was growing up, we did things in school like bring cupcakes in for a classmate on their birthday, or give Valentine cards and candy to people in our class. This happened in mostly kindergarten and first grade, but what kind of message are you sending if your kid goes to school and is treated to things on their birthday, but they feel it's wrong because you, as the parent, haven't even told them what to expect? Or, if you have, they're going to wonder why someone other than their parents is doing something nice for them.
I'm not, by any means, saying that I wouldn't do nice things for my children, but rather, that I've chosen to not celebrate Christmas. does this mean they'll be deprived of love, silliness, or whatever else the world wants to think would be the case? no, far from it.
Absolutely not. Love is not based on celebrations. However, as long as a celebration is not based on fear, force, and remains fun, I say have it.
Live some, because life is short, and cold.
For religions, or groups, that stip children's lives down to basics, what do they gain? Most times boring, straight laced people with no imaginations.
We all must ggrow up someday, unless we have some mental issues, so why push it?
Let me tell you guys a story from my childhood.
When I was but a little tike, we celebrated easter every year. Not by having an easter egg hunt, because every kid had those. My mom did something entirely different. She would set a basket by our beds as we slept. Then make a trail of treats, chocolates, candies, all through the house. She'd go up the stairs, down the hall, and at the end of the trail was our big present. Mine was usually a book on tape or one of the Adventures in Odysey series, my sister usually got a movie or a doll of some sort.
I cannot tell you the joy we had picking up all the chocolates and candies and putting them in our baskets. We'd race each other to the top of the stairs. Then we'd run back down to try to find any chocolates we'd forgotten.It was pure, childlike joy, and there was no bunny or human sacrifice involved.
Now christmas worked the same way. We'd have the tree out, and put it up usually around pearl harbor day. Me and my sister each had special ornaments. I still have one, its a snowman on skis playing a trumpet. we would each get to pick a special spot to put our special ornament. We'd hang our stockings on personalized stocking hooks. Mine was a rocking horse because it was my favorite toy as a kid. Then we'd watch as my mom and dad, or stepdad later on, slowly put more an more gifts under the tree, and our stockings slowly filled as christmas approached.
On christmas eve we each got to choose one present and we'd guess what it was. We'd shake it and look at the box from every possible direction before making our guess. If we got it right, we got to open it. If not, we had to wait until christmas morning.
Then on christmas morning, my parents would make us a huge breakfast, and we'd sit down in the living room and open all the presents one at a time. It is some of the happiest memories of my life. And guess what, there was no fat man in a red suit involved. There was no baby jesus involved. It was me and my family being together and being happy.
That is what you should strie for with your kids. You don't need bunny rabbits and fat men with bad shaving habits to make your christmas special. I feel they are cop outs for parents. Make something special for your kids that only they enjoy, and let them make believe about santa at school. For your family, your special little traditions will mean much much more to them than any fairie tale.
thank you, Cody. very well put.
And I also like that.
But I still say there is nothing wrong with the other stories.
My mom is religious, but my dad was not, so we also didn't get the story about Santa from hom, we got it in the street. I honestly can't remember being told about the baby Jesus at home either, only at church.
Sure other methods can be created, and that is great, but I feel that other people should be able to celebrate as they see fit as well.
I, as I stated loved my Santa and I'm a well adjusted person I think.
Now the Easter Bunny, just wasn't as cool. I liked the Kool Ade Bunny better, because he actually came to my house one day after I'd saved up enough packages to get him to come around. Gave me the gift or pize too.
He was just a fantisy too until that day.
no one is saying they're trying to get others to stop celebrating as they see fit. speaking for myself, I'm simply sharing my thoughts, which I'm well aware represent a perspective that most people are uncomfortable with.
I believe there's nothing wrong with these celebrations myself... growing up with parents who are Jehovah's Witnesses, I experienced missing out on having fun with my friends and such. So I believe that as long as you instill a great inagination on your children there's nothing harmful about it. By the way, rachael... I thought you'd be more original, because that was a topic I posted first... intelectual umph? lol! that's just being phony in a so called sofisticated manner, so if I were you, I'd think of my own modern interesting topics and get out of my way of showing off being fancy. Looking forward to them